How to Grow a Beard like a Sea Captain
Week 1: Do NOT shave your face with a razor in preparation for your journey! The razor cuts your hair at a very sharp angle and when these suckers grow out long they have sharp points that can poke your pretty face. It’s not a nice feeling guys, I’m sparing you some mistakes from the get go. Also be prepared to hear, “Did you lose your razor?” And “Forgot to shave?” from coworkers, friends and family. If you like, you can tell them about your plans, but being your own Captain begins with not giving those two fucks about what others think.
Week 2: Holy itching scruff face, Batman! Your skin is irritated. You need beard oil to soothe the skin under the beard. Walk the Plank Beard Oil will also make the hair shiny and soft. When the hair is soft, it doesn’t itch your face off. Scratching the beard will only make it worse, so resist those urges to scratch it, and FIGHT the itch with beard oil! Sea Captain Beard Co. has some of the best beard oils on the market. Click this LINK and order yours now.
Week 3: You should have a good amount of facial hair grown by this time, but you may have some empty patches. Unless you’ve been gifted by the Poseidon of beards, you will have empty patches. Now is the time to invest in a beard comb and some beard balm or wax. You can create a fuller looking beard by combing over the patchy spots and blending in the hairs with a balm. Again, the condition of your beard is important. The condition of the skin under your beard is important also. Take care of your beard like a Captain.
Week 4: You’re a fuckin’ handsome dude. That beard is coming in nice. Keep using the beard oil, the longer it gets, the more drops of oil you’ll need to keep it soft and fresh. No one likes a crusty unkempt beard, no matter what you see on a duck hunter's face, it's gross. Comb it, apply beard oil daily, and for Captain’s sake, wash the damn thing!
Week 5: You’re well on your way. Your zero fucks were given. You’ve found out just which kind of Captain you ARE and embraced him. Hater’s gonna hate, so just be yourself. Find a beard oil that works for you and experiment with styling your new found facial hair with balms & waxes & beard combs. Visit a barber once and again. Educate yourself on a good neckline and how to trim your beard. Be prepared for women and men to swarm you, and always, be your own Captain.